You'd be surprised how long it takes to come to terms with a diagnosis like multiple sclerosis. I was diagnosed in mid-July, but I decided to only share with a few of my closest friends and the co-workers who had been with me through the disagnosis.
So, then we got invited to this Halloween party. We went with a bunch of frineds, including some who were not privy to my diagnosis. Since I had long before been the one to volunteer to be the designated driver at these types of events, no one was terribly surprised that I wasn't drinking. I had mentioned off-handedly at some other parties that I wasn't sure how alcohol would mix with my new medications, but some people hadn't paid attention.
I feel really badly now that I treated him so meanly when my friend Bobert tried to tease me about tripping up the stairs, but at that moment, I snapped.
I was wearing a long, velvety skirt, a concession to the fact that the party was both indoors and outdoors and trying to navigate stairs that didn't have a hand rail. And, I had a glass of soda in my hand.
When I went to raise my right foot, I didn't lift it high enough, got it caught up in my skirt and tripped up the stair, spilling my drink. Bobert tried to make a joke of it and said something like, "I thought you were driving."
Poor guy. I nearly bit his head off.
"I have MS you idiot!"
I think that was the first time after my diagnosis that I said it aloud...I still clearly hadn't come to terms with it.
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3 comments:
Question re: the title; have you come to terms with it yet? There's a lot of anger in your posts so far, anger at yourself and others for not figuring out what the issue was earlier.
Part of that is historical...so I wanted it to reflect what I was feeling at the time. But to be honest, no, I don't think I really have coem to terms yet. I'm still angry about it for a lot of reasons. I had the best insurance money could buy when they misdiagnosed it. Three years later when they got it right, I didn't have insurance...that's the big issue.
But there is also the idea that for three years I was treating the wrong thing and could have been doind something to protect my health.
MS is a difficult thing to diagnose, many people have to wait years before getting a confirmed diagnosis. It's totally a bad thing that it's like this, but then again, MS symptoms tend to start off in a fairly confusing way. Much as I love to rip in to medical professionals (and many of my family are medical professionals), they have a tough job when diagnosing MS.
Have you seen a psychologist? They're well worth the cash if you can afford one. Most people don't think there is much benefit to be had going to see one, but then most people change their minds after they've been for a while. Personally, I'd vouch for a psychologist helping you come to terms with this thing.
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